On Thursday, March 12, 2007, four members of one Laotian family were murdered in their home while the father was away at work.  Click here for the news report.  One Corinth family lives on the same street.  Another Corinth member wrote me the following e-mail on Saturday - her question and my response are shared with the permission of the writer.

Question:

I’m sure you have heard of the quadruple murder in Conover, but what you may not know is that one of the victims was a very close friend of mine. I am extremely angry. I have never had a friend die, much less be murdered.  Being a Christian I am trying to stay strong and not blame God, but I am so full of anger and grief that I can’t help it. Why did they have to die like that?  So brutal and inhumane? No one deserves to die that way.  She was such a nice person, and helped me out more times than I could count.  I haven’t been myself since Thursday morning. I walk around like a zombie, and I cry constantly.  I am not a hateful person, but I don’t feel like their murderer deserves to live.  Jail just doesn’t seem good enough.

Answer:

I’m so sorry for the loss of your friend.  And I’m glad you took time to write to me.  I’m sure you know before you write that there’s nothing I can say that will make it feel better, nothing I can say that will explain everything.  This was a horrible, senseless tragedy.  And you’re right, no one should die that way.  To do this to any one for any reason is unspeakably terrible.  To do it to innocent young adults in the prime of life and to a little boy is unbelievably tragic.  Words cannot describe the senselessness of that multiple murder.

I grieve for you.  As a relatively young person yourself, you don’t think a lot about death – period.  Especially not the death of a friend, and even more so not a violent death.  Death is an enemy, St. Paul says in the Bible, and in its various forms we will fight that enemy until Jesus comes back.  In the meantime, some deaths will seem worse than others, and this is one of them.

So I think you’re really asking, “Where is God in all this?”  It’s the right question to ask, because he is there.  He is there with you, and he will walk beside anyone who asks him to through the long journey of grief.  There’s nothing about grief that is easy – and your feelings of shock and anger are very normal.  They will not go away quickly, nor should you try not to feel them.  Of course, it goes without saying what you know in your heart, that neither can you allow yourself in any way to act on those feelings in any kind of revenge.  The justice against the murderer of this family is beyond your reach.

Just as you are now on a journey of grief, you also need to open your heart to a journey of healing.  That will come slowly, and I don’t want to rush you into it.  But don’t let this harden your heart toward God or anyone else.  I read a book last fall called The Shack, a novel about a man whose daughter was murdered.  Through the experience he actually finds a deeper intimacy and trust with God.  It’s probably not a book you want to read right now, but as time passes it will be a good one for you to read.  It’s powerful as the father in the book goes through what you’re going through and takes his pain right into his relationship with a personal, loving God.  (Note: my blog has an entire series of reflections on The Shack - see “Chasing the Wind.”)

In the meantime, be open about what you’re feeling – especially and most specifically to your Father in heaven.  Tell him just what you feel.  Read the Psalms and let those prayers be your prayers – prayers of anger, prayers of trust, prayers of hope, prayers of anguish.  It’s OK to be honest with God.  You don’t have to bare everything to others, but don’t try to hold it in either.  Let your friends and family know what you’re feeling and why.  Let your grief bring you closer together.

And if you want to talk with me further in person, let me know.  You may also want to have a counselor or a Stephen Minister (lay caregiver) meet with you regularly just to pray with you and help you work through this.  It will take time, but the Lord will never leave you alone as you struggle.

What would you add to help my young friend with her struggle of faith and grief?