A Celebration of the Life of
Laura Evelyn Williams Bailey
April 15, 2010, 6:30 P.M.
Churchland Chapel – Loving Funeral Home
Portsmouth, VA
While I was pondering what Scripture passage would be appropriate for tonight’s service, Revelation 21 seemed an obvious choice. I read that text for Howard Bailey’s service in this chapel a couple of years ago. I’ll come back to that.
When Bill told me that there would be a quote from Proverbs 31 on the cover, I knew the passage about the “virtuous woman” had to be the major part of the service.
Proverbs 31 is one of several acrostic poems in Psalms and Proverbs. This one is written apparently by a man who simply adores his wife. At least that’s the way I read it. They’re not newlyweds. Who knows – he may even have written it for her funeral.
She’s not a perfect woman – no woman is, and neither is any man. But whatever flaws he sees in her he keeps to himself, and writes a tribute for her that magnifies all her strengths.
He does so using his ABCs. Each verse begins with the successive letter of the Hebrew alphabet, probably to aid in memorization. It’s a carefully, lovingly, crafted poem that extols a woman who is treasured by her lover, honored by her children, praised for her professional accomplishments and personal integrity, and noted for her fear of the Lord.
The poem got me thinking. Do you suppose could come up with a similar tribute for Evelyn Bailey? I’m not enough of a poet to write it in verse, but I thought maybe I could find a word or phrase for each letter of the alphabet that said something about her. So I’ve titled tonight’s meditation “The ABCs of Aunt Leny.”
Maybe you’ll like my word choices and maybe you won’t. Fortunately, you will have the opportunity to offer your own thoughts when I’m done. So if you would have chosen a different word for a particular letter, make a mental note and share it with the family or with all of us.
A – Aunt. To many of us in this room, she was known by no name except “Aunt Leny.” I’ve never met anyone else named “Leny” – I suppose it was short for how Grandma Williams said “Eva-leen.”
I don’t know how many people I’ve told in the last week that Aunt Leny was like a “second mother.” You can tell how much she meant to our branch of the family tree that all four of my siblings are not only here. Elizabeth lives here. The four brothers live in Illinois, Maryland, and North Carolina. All five of us visited her in the hospital over Easter weekend. And all three of my adult kids knew they had to be here for Aunt Leny’s service because of all she’s done for our family.
But it’s not only the Thompsons. I’ve received so many beautiful tributes from my cousins as well, and I’ll share some of those. She gave the word “aunt” a whole new meaning.
B – “Been there, done that.” My brother, Jim, and his wife, Anna, separately wrote about Aunt Leny’s visit to Chicago and how this phrase became part of their family vocabulary. They gave Aunt Leny a whirlwind tour of the city in three hours – boat ride, Navy Pier, Sears Tower. They apologized to her that there were still many sites they missed, and invited her to come back. Aunt Leny responded, “Well, Jimmy, I sorta feel like I been there and done that.”
As Jim said, “she lived life so robustly that a whole city only lasted her firecracker personality a few hours.”
C – Christmas. Several family members wrote me about how Aunt Leny made Christmas special. All the cousins in my generation remember the silver tinsel Christmas tree with the rotating colored lights. My nieces, Christina and Chandra, grew up with Bari and Stacie as if they were cousins, not second cousins. They remember the annual open house on Christmas Eve. Then the four of them would open one present – usually PJs or unmentionables that they would all open in front of the adults.
D – Dogs. I might have failed to mention Aunt Leny’s Peppy and Cindy, Aunt Leny’s beloved Chihuahuas, had it not been for a note I received last night from a dog in tribute to Aunt Leny. That would have been a shame, because one of my favorite memories was the heart attacks those poor animals received when they got under Uncle Howard’s feet.
But I really did get a note from a dog yesterday. Well, it’s not “just a dog” – Riley is part of the family at Martin and Chandra’s. He even has his own Facebook page. He might have a little help from her “dad” in writing the letter.
Anyway, Riley wrote a letter to Aunt Leny yesterday and sent it to me in a pdf file. “We met two years ago and even though you didn’t know me or how mischievous I was, you let me sit with you in your chair, play with your neat Santa toys, and let me explore your home. You even let me give you kisses….Besides your love for your family, you have great love for all creatures.”
Riley is right. Aunt Leny had a heart for dogs as well as people.
E – Excitement. I took this word from my wife Linda’s reflections on Aunt Leny. She was one of several family members who noted Aunt Leny’s personal interest in each one of us.
Her eyes would light up when she welcomed us in to her home with enthusiastic hugs. She had a special gift of hospitality, serving us as if it was her delight…and I think it was. I loved the way she got excited with us at our news. She was one of the most avid readers of our church newsletter and knew our members’ names and all the latest events. When you were around Aunt Leny, she wanted to know all about you.
And she was excited about it.
F – Friends. Most of the reflections I’m sharing tonight come from family members, but Aunt Leny treated her friends like family as well, and so many of them are here tonight. Robert Brett wrote a note to Aunt Leny the day after Easter that my mother shared with the family. He said, “I stopped by to see you again. As I turn the corner, there you were with a big smile and gave me a strong hug and a kiss on the cheek as you always did every time we met. I told you that day that you reminded me of my own mom. Your stature, your soft voice, and your love for life is what drew me toward you. Thank you for making me feel special.” I’ll share just a little more of Robert’s letter at the graveside tomorrow.
G – Grandchildren. Stacie wrote a beautiful tribute that spoke, I’m sure, for all four grandchildren.
Granny had so many characteristics about her that made her unique. She was always extremely early (30 min to 1 hour early) to every function (which was lost on all four of us grandkids – sorry Bari, Bleu and Lanaea – but you know it’s true L. She loved entertaining company at her house. As much as she loved the people, she loved the chaos of it all just as much. She had a love/hate relationship with her birthday. She would start “preparing” us early every year that she didn’t want a fuss AT ALL for her birthday, yet every year when we did – she loved it. Except for her birthday, you never had to wonder what Granny was thinking - she told you.… As much as I love her and I will miss her so much, it does my heart good to KNOW that she is HOME and she’s with Pop.
Speaking of “home”….
H – Heaven. Aunt Leny didn’t give me a specific theme to speak on for her service – she just asked that I speak. When Uncle Howard died, however, she did ask me to speak on heaven. So I did, reading the text from Revelation 21 and also some verses from chapter 22. That night I noted how the Bible presents heaven. “Take away all the stuff you hate about life now – sadness, sickness, war, conflict, death, and grief – and add in all your fantasies about life at its best. Now multiply it exponentially and that’s heaven. I can’t tell you more because it is indescribably wonderful.”
Now, as Stacie said, her Granny’s longing is reality as she enjoys the presence of the Lord and the reunion with Howard.
I – It Is Well With My Soul. Bill asked my brothers and me to sing this song tonight, since we had sung it for Uncle Howard’s service. We’re not exactly a seasoned gospel quartet, but if Aunt Leny asked us to sing it for Uncle Howard, we were glad to do so. And if Bill wanted a repeat performance in honor of his mother, we do our best – for her.
“It Is Well With My Soul,” as you probably know, was written by Horatio Spafford following a series of horrific setbacks including the loss of his four children at sea. It was part of Aunt Leny’s faith to trust that God was in charge of everything in her life. I was amazed at her spirit when the cancer took her so quickly. Why? For her, it wasn’t about her body. It was well with her soul.
This hymn is from a whole genre of gospel hymns that my mother, Aunt Leny, Uncle Bennie, and their siblings grew up singing at Deep Creek Baptist Church – including “What a Friend We Have in Jesus,” “Jesus Paid It All,” “Oh, How I Love Jesus,” and so many more. She loved the warm, personal expressions of faith in those great revival songs.
My mother also remembers when Aunt Leny rededicated her life to the Lord and Uncle Howard professed his faith. Mom said that she had been praying for both of them for many years when the letter came from Aunt Leny. Their public commitment to Christ was at Highland Baptist Church under the ministry of Carlton Long – who also baptized me in 1968.
J – Juxtaposition. Jesus would have been a great “J” word, but we’ve talked about her trust in Jesus. This word I got from my brother Jim’s reflection. Jim called her tinsel Christmas tree “a laser light show” and noted that Aunt Leny was always ahead of her time. Then he added, “For me, that juxtaposition of a very traditionalist southern lady–someone who would never be dragooned into the world of computerized electronic mail while simultaneously embracing technology where it did serve her taste–epitomizes a life lived richly, well, and to the full.”
K – Strikeouts. You have to be a baseball fan to connect the letter K with strikeouts, but Aunt Leny would make the association. I don’t know how much she loved baseball and softball, but she loved the people who played. I remember going to Bill’s games over at Highland Park when I was a kid.
Bill passed on his love for the game to his daughters. Stacie and Bari remember that their “Granny and Pop never missed one single softball game in the 15+ years they played, no matter where or when it was.”
L – Lemonade. My cousin David shared several great memories about Aunt Leny. He said he remembers walking 8 miles one way (and often back) on Saturdays to visit Grandma Williams out in Deep Creek. Aunt Leny would often meet him halfway with lemonade, water, or iced tea to shorten the journey.
M – Mary Della & Lafayette, Aunt Leny’s parents. I don’t have a lot of memories about my Grandpa Williams, since he died in 1968, just after our family came home from Pakistan. I do remember Grandma Williams, of course, who died almost twenty years ago, just short of her 100th birthday.
I listed all their children in the bulletin because I knew this would be a family reunion of sorts. Would everyone who is either descended from them or married into the family stand for a moment? Who knows how many times we’ll be together and have the chance to celebrate being family?
N – Neat. Bari wrote today to say that not only was she always at home at her Granny’s house, but even now she finds herself wanting to clean her house for tomorrow’s gathering and make sure everything is in place because that’s how Granny always kept it.
And it’s true. I can’t ever remember going there and seeing clutter or mess or dust – unless, of course, there were kids around. And she was totally not worried about kids just being kids and having fun. In fact, as Bari remembers, kids were often the entertainment for the adults who were visiting. Bari says the reason her Granny took them to so many shows, plays, and musicals was so that they could develop their cultural side and be ready to entertain Granny’s guests.
O – Observant. Aunt Leny noticed details, commented on them, and remembered them. My cousin Delores remembers that observant trait when she would stay with Aunt Leny as a teen back in the 50s. Aunt Leny was a “second mother” to her as well and would peek from behind the window shade whenever a boy walked Delores home from church.
P – Pakistan. Aunt Leny never went there physically, but vicariously she shared in my parents’ calling as missionaries. My mother noted the story in 1 Samuel 30 about how King David insisted that those who remain at home share the spoils with those who go to fight. Mom said of Aunt Leny, “She always knew and said she could not have done what I did, didn’t even want to, but if I had not had her when we needed something or came home to the US, I don’t know what I would have done.” Along with Uncle Bennie, Uncle Woodie, and others, Aunt Leny always made sure we had a place to stay and what we needed when we came back from the mission field on furlough.
Q – Questions. My niece, Christina, noted that Aunt Leny’s personal interest in people included a loving curiosity. “I loved how she always asked about me. She was always fascinated by the details of everyone’s lives and I always knew it was genuine. She asked tons of questions and always remembered the details. She invested herself in conversations and really listened.”
R – Remember. Although Aunt Leny didn’t leave many specific instructions for her service, she did ask Bill to have a poem read at the graveside. I’ll read the whole piece tomorrow, but for now I’ll just use the first two stanzas so you know how she wanted to be remembered –
When I come to the end of my journey
And I travel my last weary mile,
Just forget if you can, that I ever frowned
And remember only the smile.
Forget unkind words I have spoken;
Remember some good I have done.
Forget that I ever had heartache
And remember I’ve had loads of fun.
If you knew Aunt Leny, you know why that poem is so appropriate.
S – Sleepovers. My cousin Norma remembers the sleepovers at Aunt Leny’s house with Susan. She remembers Susan having the coolest headboard that her Dad had made for her. She remembers the early Polaroid camera (shaking the pictures until they dried), the recliner to watch TV in, the “real” movie camera – all quite innovative for the 60s.
I remember sleepovers at Aunt Leny’s, and neither Bill nor Susan was my age. I think it was where I first played with an Erector set. Aunt Leny just had that gracious gift of opening up her home. When I said she was like a second mother, I mean that when my parents went back to the mission field during my college years, Aunt Leny and Uncle Howard opened their home to me for breaks and vacations. As recently as last year, when our family went to visit my parents, we usually had a sleepover at Aunt Leny’s.
T – Tommy. Uncle Howard’s nephew Tom spoke at his service from a wheelchair right up front in this chapel. I didn’t know the Bailey side of the family as well, but I know that Aunt Leny loved them like she loved the Williams. Tom battled ALS for many years, and only eleven hours after Aunt Leny died, he too went to be with the Lord. She would want us to remember Tommy tonight.
U – Uncle Howard. Bari, thank you for sharing what it meant to you that your Granny and Pop stayed together for 60 years. Howard had only known Evelyn for six weeks when they married. But apparently they meant that whole “for better for worse” thing. Here’s how Bari retells the story of their engagement –
“When Pop asked her to marry him they were sitting in his car. She said, ‘You can’t afford to marry me.’ He then pulled out all his receipts from his glove box to prove he could.” Theirs was a love for lifetime. To me Swingaway was where his innovation and her organization combined to co-create contributions a better world. It was also where I made a few extra bucks mowing the lawn.
V – Vivacious. I think we’ve already noted that Aunt Leny loved a party. She loved having fun. She loved adventure. She loved life.
Rhonda said her mother-in-law was just like Grandma Williams. If you said, “Do you want to….” she would have her shoes on before you said “go.”
That was especially true in recent years with her great granddaughters. Just recently, even though she was already sicker than anyone knew, Bailey called to invite Granny to a tea party at 12:30. She arrived at 12:15 (15 minutes early, of course) with her wide-brimmed purple hat and sat down to enjoy the cupcakes Cydney had helped to make. Rhonda served tea from one of her many teapots, and the party was on with Bailey, Alex, and Cydney.
W – Watermelon. My sister-in-law Renee knew Aunt Leny from Highland Baptist Church before she married into the Williams-Thompson clan. Let me share Renee’s memory in her own words –
I was about eleven years old, it was summer, and our church, Highland Baptist, had a picnic at a park. I was there with my family and Leny and her family were there as well. They had a game where you competed to see who could spit their watermelon seed the furthest. For some reason the game was just for adults (the kids were not real happy about that). I remember that Leny, my mom and Leny’s dear friend Virginia Reaves were part of the contest. The girls became quite competitive and before you knew it Leny and Mrs. Reaves where smearing watermelon in each others’ face and hair. They were having so much fun. As a kid, that was so refreshing and amazing to see adults have fun the same way kids did. That’s what I remember most about Leny. She was ALWAYS fun and acting the age of whoever she was with, even if they were eleven. She truly embraced life. So when you are walking down the street one day and a watermelon seed falls on your shoulder, it’s Leny still being a kid.
X – Xrays. There are few “X” words in the English language to choose from, so I chose this one just to say the obvious. Unbelievably it’s been less than two weeks since those Xrays led to still other tests that took her so quickly from us. It’s hard to believe she’s already gone.
I suppose if I had to choose, I’d say let me grow old, then have a brief window to say goodbye, and slip away sooner rather than later. That’s how she left us, and the Xrays were the turning point.
Y – It was also hard to come up with a word that started with “Y.” The best connection with this next-to-last letter of the alphabet is actually how Aunt Leny (and my Mom) liked to end names with “y” – Billy, Tommy, Bobby, Jimmy, Betty, even Dougie. (I don’t know how my younger brother avoided “Davey.”) I suppose that was typical for that generation, but I think Aunt Leny might have been the last person for each of us to give it up. I’m quite certain she was the last holdout for “Bobby.” I’m not sure she ever did give up the nickname for my sister Elizabeth – she was still Betty, and still married to Buddy, when Aunt Leny died.
Z – Zest. This was my cousin Kathy’s word for Aunt Leny. “I smile when I remember…her zest for life,” Kathy wrote. “How many 80-year-old women beat breast cancer?”
Kathy went on to add that Aunt Leny had a “desire to always look her best — she reminded me often of my daddy (Woodie) there – how many 84-year old women have beautifully done nails? What a wonderful hoot !”
“Z” is the end of the ABCs. But we are here tonight not primarily to note an ending, but a transition. This coffin is not an end when we know the Lord. As the hymnwriter says, “In our end is our beginning, in our time infinity.”
Every stopping point is a starting point. We grieve the loss of our beloved friend, sister, aunt, Granny, Mom. But by the death, burial, and resurrection of Jesus Christ we declare this end is not the end. We do not grieve as those who have no hope.
So we come to this bittersweet moment still in shock that someone who had been such a big part of our lives for all our lives is so quickly gone. But we come to celebrate her life as a gift from God and rejoice in the promise that those who know Christ will meet again in the sweet by and by. Amen.