The bond between a mother and son is undeniably special.  When that son is an only child, the tie that binds is only deeper.

Jay Tate has probably put more thought and work into this service today to honor his mother than anyone I can remember in my almost 25 years of pastoral ministry.  His desire to celebrate her life in a way that would please her reflects the attachment between them.

I know of no story that illustrates that tie between Jay and Helen Tate than the one he told me yesterday.  When I returned to my office and pulled out my file folder on Helen Tate, I found the printed copy of the funeral service I preached for Helen’s mother, Goldie Sherrill, February 1, 1994.  In that service I related the same story Jay told me yesterday, only at that time I had heard it from Helen’s end.

The story goes back to Jay’s service as an Army pilot during the Vietnam War.  He recounted to me yesterday one of the most horrific days of the war, at least for him, as men all around him lost their lives and his own chopper was riddled with Viet Cong ammunition.

Flying back from that sortie in a disabled helicopter, Jay was between two layers of clouds when he turned on Armed Forces radio and heard “Amazing Grace.”  A magnificent rainbow appeared in front of him, and Jay said he heard a near-audible voice, “Jay, you’re going to be OK.”

A few days later Jay received a letter from his mother.  On the same day as Jay’s repeated and narrow escapes from the casualty list, Helen had been startled awake half way around the world back in North Carolina with a voice so clear she awoke Jay’s Dad to ask if he had spoken to her.  He had not.  The voice had said to Helen, “Jay’s going to be OK.”  5:30 AM in Hickory corresponded to when Jay heard “Amazing Grace,” saw the rainbow, and heard his own words of assurance.

That story illustrates the connection between this mother and this son. Jay wrote out some thoughts that he considered sharing today, but felt he would not be able to keep his composure.  When I read them, I told Jay that they were along the same lines as I usually try to preach a funeral – personal reflections woven together with Scripture readings.  So what I’m about to share with you is as much Jay Tate as it is Bob Thompson.

Each of the Scriptures that Jay chose for this service had special meaning to his mother, to him, or to both of them.  The beautiful love story from Ruth 1 climaxes with the words, “Where you go I will go, and where you stay I will stay.  Your people will be my people and your God my God.  Where you die I will die and there I will be buried.”

The story of Ruth and Naomi is about a daughter-in-law and mother-in-law, but it has often been used as a prototype for inviolable human bonds, especially marriage.

Helen was a romantic with a deep sense of loyalty.  Her marriage to Jay’s Dad was rocky at times, and they were separated when he died.  But her love never faltered.  She never removed her wedding ring, and kept beside her bed the pictures they gave each other when he left for service in World War II.  The inscriptions said, “My love for you is forever.”  A little more than an hour she was buried beside her husband at Oakwood Cemetery.

When Helen’s niece, Sandra, was married to Louis Woodard in August 1964, she wrote the following poem in honor of the wedding –

Here by my window alone I stand.

His ring is worn upon my hand.

I lift my eyes above and say,

Dear Lord, today’s my wedding day.

From this day on he’ll be by my side.

Today, I will become his bride.

And as my world of girlhood ends,

my world of womanhood begins.

Dear God, I ask Thy blessings on

this union and our new home.

I pray that I will always be

all that he hopes and dreams of me.

Jay chose 1 Corinthians 13 for a similar reason.  It is easy to understand why Helen herself had such a fondness for this text.

The Apostle Paul’s classic chapter on love reflects an unwavering commitment to see the best and believe the best about others.  As Jay said, Helen found good in everyone she met.  She accepted others and was not quick to judge.  If she was betrayed, she would still seek to find the good in those who had wounded her and would find it in her heart to forgive.  In Jay’s words, “I never knew her to carry a grudge.”  That is quite a testament from the person who knew her best.

I experienced that myself.  There were times as her pastor that I was able to visit more regularly than other times.  She was never one to complain when I didn’t come, but always deeply grateful when I did.  My “Helen Tate” folder has a number of cards in it – birthday cards, thank you cards, updates on her health.  One of those notes was in gratitude for a column I had written during the Bill Clinton-Monica Lewinsky scandal – a prayer that turned our tendency to judge to introspection for our own sins and temptations.

Helen and I shared a special bond.  At least it seemed that way to me.  I realize more and more that the way she treated me was the way she treated all her family and friends.  We all felt as if we were recipients of a 1 Corinthians 13-style love.

Finally, Jay chose Psalm 30 not so much because it was one of Helen’s favorites, but because of what the passage has meant to him and because it reminded him of her.  Let me quote from Jay’s own words –

Psalm 30 is a fitting tribute to Mom.  Her faith in the Lord never faltered.  Yes, she had been tried many times, but her love for the Lord and her faith guided it all – from her separation from my dad, from the passing of her mother, through her personal dealing with my combat service in Vietnam, and through her guidance to me during my two failed marriages.  Her trust in the Lord to provide her strength, courage, and compassion made her a most loving mother and truly a most loving friend.

Mother is my friend…and what a special relationship.  Following my dad’s passing, I can recall the joyous times when I’d come home from Washington D.C. and take Mom out to dinner, either to the Club, 1859 Café, or the Vintage House.  Dressed for an evening out, we would enjoy each other’s company, not so much as mother and child, but as adult friends.  She’d sip her Grasshopper and giggle and I’d enjoy a glass of Scotch as we would reminisce over the old sons she and my dad danced to at the White Pine supper club with the Lou Bean band or at the Moose Lodge on a Saturday night.  She loved to listen to Ulysses Long play the piano at the 1859 Café. Ulysses seemed to know all the songs Mother requested.

Mother loved to dance as well and we were quite the couple on the dance floor.  In fact, it was Mother who taught me how to slow dance…properly…in preparation for my first teenage school dance.  Following my dad’s passing, Mom at 58 still struck an impressive and lovely pose. 

One phrase in Psalm 30 that stood out to Jay is verse 11, “You have turned my wailing into dancing; you have put off my sackcloth and clothed me with joy.”

According to the title, King David wrote Psalm 30 for the dedication of the temple.  If you remember your biblical timeline, David was not alive when the temple was built.  He wanted to build it, but God said no – that his son Solomon would construct the sanctuary.  Yet David wrote a song while he was still living for the occasion.

That’s faith.  The writer of Hebrews says that faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen (11:1).  Knowing that he would be dead when these words were sung publicly, David wrote in verse 3, “O Lord, you brought me up from the pit; you spared me from going down to the grave.”

Knowing that his own life had been a mix of spiritual success and failure, David wrote in verses 4-5, “Sing to the LORD, you saints of his; praise his holy name. For his anger lasts only a moment, but his favor lasts a lifetime; weeping may remain for a night, but rejoicing comes in the morning.”

That’s faith.  And at the end of the psalm, he said to God, “I will give thanks to you forever and ever.”  That sounds a lot like what Jay’s parents said to each other during the war: “My love for you is forever.”

During the almost-90 years that Helen Tate lived on this earth, she certainly experienced many of the circumstances that sometimes lead people to give up on God – trials of body and mind, a broken heart, financial challenges, sending her only son off to war not knowing if he would return.  

But she placed her faith in the One who sent his only Son into our world to die that we might live.  We will remember and proclaim Him in the sacrament of Holy Communion as we close this service.  Helen’s life testifies today that God is faithful, and that in the end he brings us home with faith, hope, and love.  But the greatest of these is love.  Amen.